Apr. 4th, 2009 04:06 pm
pay_the_piper: (Default)
The job hunt....does not go well. Though people keep asking for the Resume, no one is biting. Fucking short bus economy.

I might end up just applying to UT or Texas State, and moving home. Its sort of a bitch, thinking "wow, stepping backward now." But tonight I get to listen to my brother in law telling me what I need to go and do and blah blah blah.

I really don't like people telling me what to do with my life. It makes me irate.

And this has been your "Life of EJ" update.
pay_the_piper: (Default)
My insomnia has come back, I fear. Well, technically it never went away, but it was managed, you know? Now my sleep cycle is getting all wonked again, which means righting it is just going to be painful. I laid down for sleep at like 2am, only to still be wide awake by 3am. About 3:30 I gave up and started reading my book.

I just finished it. And while yawning a bit, no more tired now than I was at midnight. If I were to lay down, I'd have been up a whole 2 hours later today than the night before. Which is always how this seems to start. My sleep cycle does this little circling dance about normal hours of functioning and my brains hours. This is not desirable, and will become a hindrance.

I'm not entirely sure what do about it, though. Seeing as my lack of things to do does not help. Blah.

Kitten goes to the vet at 10, though. So after that I may nap. Mm.
pay_the_piper: (worry)
I find my lack of employment depressing. I have enough money to pay this month's (Apirl, obviously I paid March already) rent, and probably next month so long as I don't spend much of anything. I might go out hunting work at like Outback or something ridiculous like that. Something that gives me income of some sort. Simply because hanging around the house will drive me nuts.

I also need to get my oil changed. DAMN YOU CAR. Ok, not really damn it. I love my Kia. But still. My Dad and mom came up this last weekend and we talked about me moving 'home' and going back to school, but while that would be nice? The mere thought of giving up my cats made me break down into tears last night (my Father is allergic and does not want cats in his house.) It is more so that I'd have to give up Cringer. Because while Little Man is precious and I love him, I've only had him for a couple weeks now. Cringer? We've been together for five years, almost six this summer. He is my baby, and giving him up is like handing someone else my child. I just don't know if I can do that.


That aside, I had a headache from hell today, have no desire to really eat much. And just in general mehness all around. Wahoo!

However, I did update my resume, well I just redid it really. I lost my book on resumes, no idea how, and applied to several jobs with the FAA. I'm really hoping this one in Dallas will call, but not going to hold my breath. I'm sure that loads more people have applied that are far more qualified.

Anyway, tomorrow's goals are to apply to some shops and stuff. A couple part-times or whatever might be just what I need for now.
pay_the_piper: (white dress)
My Grandfather passed away this morning. It was peaceful, at least for him. He wasn't awake, and hadn't been for several days, and so he was utterly unaware of the happenings around him. I spent most of Saturday at the hospital, and tried my best not to cry when my mom was around.

If I cry it seems to upset my mother more than anything, though she cried when she told me this morning. It was about 7:30 that I got the call.

Read more... )
pay_the_piper: (Moo)
My Grandfather is an old man, and there is very little you can say about him that would make you ever think he wasn't resilient. Yesterday he apparently had two heart attacks, and hit his head...twice. He's 90 or so, and still kicking. (Though, he does have dementia, and usually has no clue who I was.)

Anyway, I know he isn't...dying/dead as far as anyone else can think. But I think I might take the day and drive out there to see him.

Not sure. I need to walk the dog and shower, though.
pay_the_piper: (3-D world)
I have time to kill, mostly because my head hurts and I really don’t like this instrument I’m working on at the moment. One second it has a leak, the next it doesn’t. blooding annoying as hell. Plus, I shocked myself with 500k Vdc.


Long discussion on the subject of work. )
pay_the_piper: (Heath)
I've read Talon of the Silver Hawk before, but I never got the chance to read the other two books. Mostly because when I first read the book many years ago, Feist had still be working on the third book, and the second was only in hardback. Charles and I just never got around to getting the books, and eventually it was forgotten in the mist of College readings and other work.

But, I was looking for something to read yesterday and thumbed through stacks of books in B&N. Seeing Feist's books reminded me that I had always wanted to finish them! And as such I bought the whole trilogy right there (just 25 bucks, not a bad spend on books I will like read a couple of times before I die.)

And I'm probably about 40 pages off being done with the book. (I bought it at about 4ish, last night, before I went to dinner. I read a little at dinner, and then during commercials while watching Sister Act 2 when I got home. And so on until about 1amish. Books at horrible in one way, I have a very hard time just putting them down to sleep. As a result I'm dog ass tired tonight. I went to sleep at 1, and woke up off and on starting from 4am. Blag.) Anyway, the point is?

Feist made a funny.

"Good," Creed said, "I always like it when a captain has a plan; it makes getting killed a lot less random."

That? Made me laugh. It really did.

Secondly while I was wandering around B&N, I noticed a 'school read' table, and curious poked around the table. I like seeing what kids are reading in classes today, which strangely hadn't much changed from what I read. Oddly, though, that was a copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I somehow couldn't imagine a teacher, or school put that one the reading list. Then I reminded myself that for my Honors English and AP History in my Junior year of HS that I read Sophie's Choice. And while I dearly love the stark, hopelessness of this book...

At 17 I had never expected to be handed a book by a teacher that openingly discussed Male masturbation in detail. So I'll tack it up as interesting, which means- a lot of students are going to hate that, but I personally see it as an awesome choice in books. Then again, unlike most of my fellow students, I have found that there were few books I read for school/classes that I truly disliked. In particular I found a sort of quaint fondness for William Faulkner's books, though The Sound and The Fury still breaks my brain, and I've read it a number of times. Ever time I pick it up, I find something different in what I read.

I still have no care for Mark Twain, though. Don't know...Huckleberry Fin just bored me.

And this has nothing to do with the whole book I stared with! Haha. Oh, I miss reading as much as I did. I find that I have to love the characters, though, before I can just let the book take me. If I don't find a way to love the characters, or a character, no amount of effort I put forth ever makes the book just flow. Scary, but true. I sort of think of it like a movie- without a connection, I lose interest, and my mind wanders. Then, before I know it, movie is over and I'm just trying to remember what happened in the flick.

Anyway...Tis it!

I'm lost to my books for a while. Perhaps reading will help me find the voices for my characters again. And in finding them, perhaps I will find my desire to be online again.
pay_the_piper: (Haru and kisa)
I killed my fingers at work. Today there is not throbbing, just sharp pain when I push against them. So still no typing with them, joy. This is utterly ridiculous, I swear. I'll live, of course, but it was just a bitchy day. This week needs to be erased, redone, forgotten, SOMETHING.

And it isn't just me with the bad days. Today Ana called me and told in tears that Clyde (her dog) died. Clyde's been sick for a while, and it is horrible that she had to do it, but at least he isn't in pain anymore. He woke her up unable to breathe at about 4am, and when she got to the vet....the vet said there was blood in his abdomen, possibly from cancer in the spleen. :/ It sucks, Clyde was a sweet, sweet boy. He'll be missed, and at least she isn't in the house alone tonight. Her mom is in town for the night, and she has a kitten. So that is good. I feel for her. *snuggles Ana Bear from far away.*

Typing is still a pain.

pay_the_piper: (Suck My Imaginary Cock)
So four districts were closed, maybe up to 6. Three of which had sets of people I knew. Such grand fun. Tom told me that HR made the guys from Marshall drive 50 miles to get their Severance packages, too. God, talk about harsh as fuck?

That aside, I just saw a commercial for this interview with the lady that had the Octuplets. And what I want to know is why has NO ONE called this woman irresponsible? I'm sorry, I am a single, childless adult. I don't know the joys of motherhood, I don't much care too either to be honest. Children? Annoy me. Babies that get slobber and spit everywhere make me want to run to my bathroom and scrub myself down. Dramatic, yeah, but true. No matter what people say about how I'm good with kids, I teach them well, etc. I still don't like them.

And yet, this woman who is single, already had like 6 kids, is being treated like a damn hero. Why? Because she endangered her life and the lives of her babies by trying to have so many. This is not worthy of praise! In a world where the human population is rapidly growing without any natural population controls because we've all cleverly sidestepped them. We've cured most of it, found ways around a lot.

And we breed than mice.

God, that woman pisses me off, and reminds me that I don't need children because people like that make it so I don't need to add anything to society. Would it kill some of those 'breed like rabbits' idiots to....oh NOT HAVE KIDS. If you love babies so much? Fucking adopt, stop killing the population by having to many kids.
pay_the_piper: (Default)
They say not to be nervous, then in the moment that you think the storm has passed you up for the better... News comes down the pipe. Six people from my building were laid-off today. Of those six, two were friends. The worst yet is news that the storm hasn't hit our department. Suddenly everyone is anxious again.

Go figure. And today hadn't gone so bad unitl now.
pay_the_piper: (Luke Geek)
I'm playing Knights of The Old Republic II, which is really just this awesome Star Wars game that lets me be evil or good, or neither? Well, I am amused by the fact that I keep telling people total assholish things, like 'get out of my way or I kill you' and such, and somehow I manage to get a Light Side Net Gain, Light Side Points and dark side points.

You really have no idea how amused that makes me.

Granted, I've played this game like a gabillion (that's my new word) times, and I've ended it lord knows how many ways. However, this is the first time I've played it with a male character. Which has also led my head to all sorts of sad, funny things too! Mostly because if you talk to Atton a lot as a girl, and really sort of let him chat you up, and get a high influence with him...

He falls for you.

Then he kisses you before the final battle!!

Now my head? Inserts this ended with my male character too...and my brain just dies: "HAHAHAHAH Lucas made a slash game!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAH."

God, sometimes I think I need help.
pay_the_piper: (mini Vader)
As many have noticed...

I've not done any RP lately. I don't know if I can really explain what goes on in my head, but here's a shot:

For whatever irrational reason, I have come to think of RP as more like a second job instead of a hobby. I feel like people are waiting for me impatiently (regardless of if they really are, anyone that knows my head, well knows that it comes up with assumptions on its own without logic or reason.) It is frustrating for me, because I can't seem to write as well as I feel I should. Maybe this will change once I get back into school to finish up my English and History degrees.

That being said, there is still no word on who and when people are being laid off, so everyone in the lab is still thinking about it. We all make little jokes about it, Russ had a five year award, and made the comment: "I hope to make it another five....though things aren't looking for good for that now."

Richard even made a joke about the 401Ks today during Joel's 35 year 'party' (really, Tanya just dragged us all out of the lab to go stand there and clap, I was busy...but I went), he said Joel couldn't retire yet because he had to rebuild his "point 401". It was funny, at least, at the time. Jered's been bitching about how the CEO's monthly paycheck could pay 20 techs, and that the man could just take a pay cut.

Of course Jered made the comment to me the other day, discussing what we'd do if laid off, that he didn't know what...and that he might just go drive forklifts. Apparently they make 17 bucks an hour. He then asked if I liked Texas...which went down the road of 'no'. And there was then an argument about the University of Texas vs. Texas A&M. ((I was raised an Aggie, mind you.))

Also with work, I flipped some wires on one of my connectors for a TTRM ((a down hole instrument that measures line tension, borehole temperature and mud resistivity)), Jason took it over when a Z-Density came in and Terry wanted me to rebuild it. Jason pointed it out, and just said to be more careful...and then the next day he informed me he'd done the same thing on another TTRM he was working on at the same time. Amused, I pointed out that at least mine were the same color, his weren't.

The Z-Density I'm working on is pretty much done. I need to break the housing over the electronics, and then change the o-rings and such. But I'm ready to hook it up and test. Which is nice.

And that is pretty much it. I mean, I'm tired...have been all week. Thursdays and Wednesday I was ready to weep from the knots in my back and just...blah. God help me, I've cut and bruised myself enough this week to look like I've been in a fist fight. And the weather was just glorious on Wed. Oh yes...

pay_the_piper: (i'm the motherfucking princess)
So, I bought an XBox 360 earlier this week with a gift card my parents gave me for Christmas. And I have three games for it. One I could care less about and one that I've been wanting to play for ages.

But also, I went to game stop today and bought Knights of the Old Republic II and also FFX...

Which should tell you all pretty much what I'll be doing. Even though I've beaten the game before, that was on my sister's system and I'm just too damn lazy to ask her for the memory card with the game on it. Plus, I'd still replay it.

Though, thinking about it all, I think I'll miss the FFXII system. I know they change it for every FF game, but it was nice being able to sort of pick and choose who you wanted wanted to fight. Though FFX is nice in the fact that as long as everyone is alive and took PART in the fighting, they all get the exp.

So, it is kinda a give and take.

Eventually I'll get the other FF games, though FFX-2 bored the piss out of me. Possibly because Yuna was not my favorite character, ever, and now we get to do this 'Yaaaaaaaaaay Yuna!!' Story? Meh.

Eventually I'll buy it just to beat it, and then be all "Yes, I have played and beat all the FF games."

Which sort of means I need FFIX too.


Oh well. FFX Ahoy!
pay_the_piper: (Oh you get the point!)
So I keep thinking of things I want to post about during my day. Something funny someone did at work, something stupid, something whatever. But then by the time I get home, I'm all "oh fuck posting." Hell, I barely keep awake long enough to post/rep for my characters! And you people expect me to do it for my personal journal. Pft. Who you kidding?

Bright things about this week? Shanna brought Mauri back to play with Percy. And I will forever be in love with her for it. Monster Quest on the history channel can get down right creepy, or stupid. It really sort of depends on who is doing what. Though, along that train of thought? Dear woman on the history channel...if Big Foot/Grassman/Whatever you want to call him is real? HE CANNOT BE SINISTER. It is an ANIMAL. It very likely does not stand there in the dark and plot how to slice you into a thousand pieces, only human do shit like that. That kinda irked me last night. Its like when people talk about Man-Eater Lions. They aren't evil, you fucking idiots. We, regardless what you like to believe, are a part of the natural cycle. We can be and sometimes ARE a part of the food chain. Just because we have disposal thumbs doesn't exempt us from being food for animals that figured out that the fugly two legged, hairless creatures are easy to catch.

Get over it. If you don't want to be cat food? Why not stop imposing on their land.


Yeah, I don't really have much to life to talk about. That's about it. Need to call Yee at some point and be a good little friend.

Also, I'm still fucking tired. I went to be early last night, and still woke up late. It sucked. Made it to work in time, but still. BLAH.

EDIT: I forgot to add this-

The first six people to respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about or tailored to those six lucky "victims."

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year
- you have no clue what it's going to be. It may be fic. It may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
pay_the_piper: (three way)
Someone made me a shiny! *Points to journal*

Its "OH MY ZEUS" pretty.

I <3 [ profile] unchainme.

Also. :( I did bads. Mo was hurted after talking to me on the phone yesterday, I'm a bad jinxy EJ. Boo.

*loves Mo.*
pay_the_piper: (Pissy Billy Joe)

We all have that friend that we'd do anything for, that we HAVE done anything for and that we laugh and smile and have fun with. But there comes to a point when you start to realize that maybe things aren't always so chipper in friend land. Because say: You're there to help, support, listen. And then in turn they can make you feel like the only time you are useful is...

when they have a shitty day.

You know what? If you don't want to chat, just SAY so. Not have these one word conversations that make me think you are fucking PISSED at ME. You logged onto AIM, nothing you NEVER do anymore, and when I IM you, you blow me off. You know, the person that has listened to you bitch about how no one ever IMs you when you are on AIM.

Alright, fine, here is a news flash. Get your head out of your ass, please, and look at the conversations you have. You might not think it matters? But it does. When someone DOES IM you, a little politeness goes a long fucking way. Especially considering how long we've damn well known each other.

You know those friends you've been saying that made you feel like they were taking advantage of you?

That's been how you've made me feel more and more lately. The fact that YES, and I've TOLD you this before and it doesn't seem to EVER click in your head, but it has ALWAYS been ME going to YOU when we want to do things. ALWAYS. The first time you even fucking came to Oxford was when Ali came down too. Which, excellent, fucking awesome. It took another friend of ours to get you to come see ME. Thank you. Glad to know that I mean that much as a friend that you won't come visit without incentive. I'm also happy to know even though you want to try things or teach me new games that I'm always up for it, but YOU can't return that favor.


Enough. I'm tired of feeling like the only one that tries to keep things going. At the rate things are going, I sometimes have to wonder why I'd want to move closer to you, when I could go closer to other friends that give a little more back. At least when I call them and they happen to be reading, they tell me instead of letting me feel like a piece of shit for interrupting things.
pay_the_piper: (You rock rock)

pay_the_piper: (blue girl)
I honestly think that, really.

About a month ago, or so I started this awesome Meme. I was, seriously, riding a high of 'hee, everyone is getting along!' when it came around and everyone was doing it. It felt great. Which is completely unrelated, really.

Tonight I couldn't even finish a prompt for Percy. 1070 words and...I think I might just scrap it. I feel, sometimes, that it doesn't matter what I write. The same people would blab blab about 'its great', and go on. I don't feel it is...but...

I don't know. :/

It is sort of an all around discontent with writing I suppose. (and yes, I realize that only like four people read my journal. And those same four people are the only ones that really try to offer help, and one of them doesn't even RP really anymore.)

I wish I could write something and feel like it was fucking awesome instead of looking at stupid comms and feeling down that no one ever mentions something I've written. It is ridiculously vain to want to see my muses mentioned, I know...but even thinking back to it the meme I did...the only people that even mentioned me were the people that were expected to. Which, in reality? Is probably because in the grand world of internets I know one. Seriously. I am the wallflower at the dance, and the only people that say I'm awesome? Are my friends. And those friends? I secretly that when they say 'Oh Ej, EVERYONE thinks you are AWESOME!' it is only to make me feel a little more important to the internet worlds that I am.

Because, as stated, I am a wallflower.

Hence the 'I'm fucking nuts' theory. Because I'm having a down moment that is beyond understanding. The fact 'Mom, no one likes me. Not even my friends' is making me want to cry, is surely not something sane people do. It also isn't sane feel this way, because three weeks ago you were happy enough to make people on acid jealous.

I think I'm going to delete the post. It is shitty anyway. Now I just don't know what to write.
pay_the_piper: (B/W Jude)
OPENING CREDITS: American Idiot- Green Day

WAKING UP: Sour Girl- Stone Temple Pilots

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: Ya'll Want A Single- Korn

FALLING IN LOVE: Hanging By a Moment- Lifehouse

FIGHT SONG: Bodies- Drowning Pool

BREAKING UP: So What- P!nk

PROM: My Oh My- Aqua

PROPOSAL: Addicted- Saving Abel

LIFE: Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: One Step Closer- Linkin Park

DRIVING: Headlong- Queen

FLASHBACK: It's Been Awhile- Staind

GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Shake Me Break Me- Savage Garden

WEDDING: I'll Be Yours- Placebo

BIRTH OF CHILD: Learning To Fly- Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

FINAL BATTLE: Get Out Alive- Three Days Grace

DEATH SCENE: Last Kiss- Pearl Jam

FUNERAL SONG: Roses On My Grave- Papa Roach

END CREDITS: Sleeping With Ghost- Placebo


Sep. 17th, 2008 11:49 pm
pay_the_piper: (uh...)
First Pro-Baseball game; Ranger Stadium in Arlington (That's like...the actual name. Dull I know. Fucking awesome looking stadium though.) FUCKING AWESOME SEATS (Dude like handed me, Kiki, Alex and Rachel four tickets to replace our 'crappy' ones. We were right under the press-box behind Home plate.)

Top of the 4th. Ranger are down by 1...

Then Detroit scores 9 runs...9

By the top of the 5th...they scored 5 more.

They won 17...

to 1.

.....Jesus that was the worst game ever.

Anyway. Tired. Bed. Later.

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