pay_the_piper: (wank!zone)
So, I thought this week was going to be better than last. Wrong. Jesus fucking Christ, people, have you all lost your fucking minds? There are things I want to say, but I can't out of interest of not hurting feelings, but my lord do I want to tell you all something.

If you don't want to read, not my problem. )
pay_the_piper: (Heath)
I've read Talon of the Silver Hawk before, but I never got the chance to read the other two books. Mostly because when I first read the book many years ago, Feist had still be working on the third book, and the second was only in hardback. Charles and I just never got around to getting the books, and eventually it was forgotten in the mist of College readings and other work.

But, I was looking for something to read yesterday and thumbed through stacks of books in B&N. Seeing Feist's books reminded me that I had always wanted to finish them! And as such I bought the whole trilogy right there (just 25 bucks, not a bad spend on books I will like read a couple of times before I die.)

And I'm probably about 40 pages off being done with the book. (I bought it at about 4ish, last night, before I went to dinner. I read a little at dinner, and then during commercials while watching Sister Act 2 when I got home. And so on until about 1amish. Books at horrible in one way, I have a very hard time just putting them down to sleep. As a result I'm dog ass tired tonight. I went to sleep at 1, and woke up off and on starting from 4am. Blag.) Anyway, the point is?

Feist made a funny.

"Good," Creed said, "I always like it when a captain has a plan; it makes getting killed a lot less random."

That? Made me laugh. It really did.

Secondly while I was wandering around B&N, I noticed a 'school read' table, and curious poked around the table. I like seeing what kids are reading in classes today, which strangely hadn't much changed from what I read. Oddly, though, that was a copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I somehow couldn't imagine a teacher, or school put that one the reading list. Then I reminded myself that for my Honors English and AP History in my Junior year of HS that I read Sophie's Choice. And while I dearly love the stark, hopelessness of this book...

At 17 I had never expected to be handed a book by a teacher that openingly discussed Male masturbation in detail. So I'll tack it up as interesting, which means- a lot of students are going to hate that, but I personally see it as an awesome choice in books. Then again, unlike most of my fellow students, I have found that there were few books I read for school/classes that I truly disliked. In particular I found a sort of quaint fondness for William Faulkner's books, though The Sound and The Fury still breaks my brain, and I've read it a number of times. Ever time I pick it up, I find something different in what I read.

I still have no care for Mark Twain, though. Don't know...Huckleberry Fin just bored me.

And this has nothing to do with the whole book I stared with! Haha. Oh, I miss reading as much as I did. I find that I have to love the characters, though, before I can just let the book take me. If I don't find a way to love the characters, or a character, no amount of effort I put forth ever makes the book just flow. Scary, but true. I sort of think of it like a movie- without a connection, I lose interest, and my mind wanders. Then, before I know it, movie is over and I'm just trying to remember what happened in the flick.

Anyway...Tis it!

I'm lost to my books for a while. Perhaps reading will help me find the voices for my characters again. And in finding them, perhaps I will find my desire to be online again.
pay_the_piper: (wand and rat)
The RPland is a small world after all.

Ironically, points of tonight have amused me. Particularly when you defriended someone like....years ago, and they just today defriended you. Ironic...

Only not really because I couldn't call it bitter. I do however like to say "Its it Ironic", because it is retarded and used badly and it makes me laugh.

Who cares if it makes sense.

Oh right! So...it isn't really drama? But RPland is small world, ja? And in RPland drama exist. And the demand for respect is high. But people? If you have to demand respect? Ju doing it wrong. People will walk on you because you let them, at the same time being the RP Bully? Gets you a bad rep and you'll just be shit out of luck as far as RP partners go.

I get respect from the people I play with because I return that respect. I've been doing this since I was 15, and RP is a give and take. You won't always like what happens, but being free to talk to other players about it is a good thing. If you can't accept that someone doesn't want to play it the way you do, then you should back away slowly. If you are always bullied into doing it someone else's way, find new RP partners.

That is the sum total of it.
pay_the_piper: (blue girl)
I honestly think that, really.

About a month ago, or so I started this awesome Meme. I was, seriously, riding a high of 'hee, everyone is getting along!' when it came around and everyone was doing it. It felt great. Which is completely unrelated, really.

Tonight I couldn't even finish a prompt for Percy. 1070 words and...I think I might just scrap it. I feel, sometimes, that it doesn't matter what I write. The same people would blab blab about 'its great', and go on. I don't feel it is...but...

I don't know. :/

It is sort of an all around discontent with writing I suppose. (and yes, I realize that only like four people read my journal. And those same four people are the only ones that really try to offer help, and one of them doesn't even RP really anymore.)

I wish I could write something and feel like it was fucking awesome instead of looking at stupid comms and feeling down that no one ever mentions something I've written. It is ridiculously vain to want to see my muses mentioned, I know...but even thinking back to it the meme I did...the only people that even mentioned me were the people that were expected to. Which, in reality? Is probably because in the grand world of internets I know like...no one. Seriously. I am the wallflower at the dance, and the only people that say I'm awesome? Are my friends. And those friends? I secretly that when they say 'Oh Ej, EVERYONE thinks you are AWESOME!' it is only to make me feel a little more important to the internet worlds that I am.

Because, as stated, I am a wallflower.

Hence the 'I'm fucking nuts' theory. Because I'm having a down moment that is beyond understanding. The fact 'Mom, no one likes me. Not even my friends' is making me want to cry, is surely not something sane people do. It also isn't sane feel this way, because three weeks ago you were happy enough to make people on acid jealous.

I think I'm going to delete the post. It is shitty anyway. Now I just don't know what to write.
pay_the_piper: (Default)
Antha says I need to immortalize the line. So here it is, shit on a horse's arse:

Dristan was still laughing at Percy's vanity- er rant.. when a waitress sauntered up to the bar and shouted an order. He turned his head in her direction and nodded. His hands completed the task of filling a pint without requiring his mind be pulled away from Percy. Hell, the dark little sprite was amusing. The Shaitan did look around a moment though, his gaze washing over the faces crowded into the room and he had to agree. Percy did not have much competition.. He set the beer on the woman's tray and reached for the bottle of Everclear.

"Allright Princess," he sniggered, filling up the third shot glass. "I'll bite. What's your name? I can't guarantee I'll call you by it, but I'm intrigued." The Shaitan's black eyes flicked up from the glass to catch Percy's. "What name could possibly suit a pint-sized terror such as yourself.."

"Pint-sized!?" Oh that was harsh...Percy leveled Dristan with a dark, ugly look for that one, his hand reaching out to take the shot once it was full without waiting. He needed the drink after that. Pint-sized? What the bloody hell! He'd been tall when he was a youth, standing a good two inches higher than all the other boys in town. It wasn't his fault that giants took over the world and polluted the human race with it's tall, filthy seed. People needed to blame the Vikings for that. And for pale hair! Who wanted pale hair? You looked...funny. Unless you were Emily...and Alex. They looked alright with pale hair...But everyone else looked like shit on a horse's arse.
pay_the_piper: (blue girl)
I’ve been trying to figure it out for days. I mean, obviously there is something in my RP that makes me want more. And it isn’t the same as just wanting to do more of what I’m doing, though there isn’t really anything wrong with it. It is more that I want more of the dark, cold and painfully things that I just don’t get to do. And in some ways I don’t want to be the only one that indulges in the dark, dirty world of that side of RP.

Except for Kate. Because she’ll RP Cannabalism meals. She has told me as much.

I need something dark, and I need it to not just be my character being dark. I know plenty of people would be willing to let bad things happen to their muses, but that really isn’t the point. I need, I suppose, a partner in darkness (if that makes any sense).

I’m not sure I’ll ever find them. :/

EDIT:

I have to admit, I really do feel like I've been a bit of a let down for some of my RP partners. I wish I could be better. I really want to be better, honest. I just suppose there are times I don't think I'm that great of an RPer in the end, or even that good of a writer. (It might also just be one of those 'woe is me' days too.)

I mean how does someone really judge how much talent they have? If I looked back to my writing classes, I made As in all of them. But the question is, was it because I was good? Or because I wrote technically well? (Trust me, I proof read my class work a hell of a lot better than RP.)

Mm. I don't know...

Mm. :/

May. 7th, 2008 09:29 am
pay_the_piper: (smoke ring)
1. I love my friends. In Real Life, and online. Mostly because there are a good number of people online that I've come to know well enough that they are just as much my friends as those sitting next to me in a coffee shop.

Recently, in RL, one of my best friends has had to deal with a stalker. So for those online that were upset at my abrupt or sudden 'going to get coffee' it is usually because something involving the stalker came up, and to make Rachel feel a little safer...Mikey and I spend all night at the Coffee shop. Saturday we finally made a police report concerning the stalker.

So hopefully that is dealt with.

2. Lately I've been feeling a bit under-accomplished with my writing for Percy. I'm not sure if it is because he is the only muse I've been writing prompts with, or if it is just the subject matter. I do want to write it, but at the same time I feel like I'm not quite reaching a point of satisfaction that I want.

Which, really, is ironic. Since I started writing for him, I've received a number of comments from people I've previously never known, about how much they liked the character. Sadly, I cannot say I do not sometimes wonder where this comes from, mostly because this has never happened before. Generally, and maybe I'm jaded, most people seem not care about characters that are not played by friends, or anything of that sort. I know, I'm just as guilty. I read what is on my flist, because it is there and I always remember to read that. (Which reminds me, I really need to add Loki so I can finally read those prompts Ana wanted me to read. Honestly, I haven't forgotten.)

So I'm honored in one breath, and curious in the other as to how many actually read Percy's writing. I also wonder how many people give honest assessments to the writing.

3. I really need to get back to finish some of my Photoshop projects that I haven't gotten to yet. Hell, I can't even remember what projects those all are.
pay_the_piper: (LMAO)
So, the drama wheel just never stops. I realize this after years of RP that Drama Wheels are forever rolling down the hill and like the snow balls they just progressively get bigger. It starts with one thing, then on to something else...and then like a million other crappy things happen...

Then it stops for a bit of tea and crumpets. Maybe a game a chess, and you think: "Wow, This drama fellow isn't so bad!"

Then he rolls over your foot. And you scream "BITCH!!"

And like I said in the post below. People, the world wide webs isn't that big. Not when you all clump together like cheese on a garlic and chive biscuit. (Shut up, I'm hungry.) If you plan find an RP with someone you don't like in it, why not just forgo playing verse trying to get them kicked out? Because trying to start the drama is so 20 ways to lame it isn't even funny.

Hopstoch has more entertainment value than RP Whores with agenda's.

I'm going to make a shirt, "Drama Free" on the front, "don't roll over me." on the back.

But I'm going to laugh at some idiot first.

Mommy, can I? Can I please?
pay_the_piper: (LMAO)
Dear RP-Wanna-Elitist Whore,

Yeah, you. You're two faced bullshit has been caught, more than once. So just stop, just admit that you, as a person, lack in this thing call imagination. Now, I know we don't play together anymore, and I know I don't give a flying shit about what you do and why you do it...but seriously. The world wide web isn't really that big. Especially not when people you are friended to happen to be close friends of mine. So when they, in the interest of being curious as a monkey named George, read your petty little OOC comm and see a comment you make about a plot/character stuff that we did years ago, and you encouraged as the mod? Yeah, well I wouldn't suggest saying you thought it was bad and would love to toss that history, because 'oh wow...was it bad'.

Ha. Right. Because your idea of an excellent RPer is a person that write 12 paragraph replies that are mostly inner dialogue for one, stupid and inane line at the end? Yeah, that is not the sign of a great RPer. Nor is the massive abuse of the English language, and dictionary. Just because the word's 18th meaning is what you want to use it for, hardly means that you should. That's why we have a thing about common usage, and context.

Also? You are boring. Everything about your RP is boring. Yeah, it is... Sure it isn't the crack filled fun that I put my characters in, so obviously more serious, but it still has this funny little stale taste to it. Especially when I see you've had new players pick up my old characters and tried to copy the way I wrote for them. Right down to the character faces you used. Man...excellent.

Even though the game split up, you keep our history, too! So after you're shoddy attempts to copy characters fail, you then decide the plots and stories and histories you loved so much aren't that great either. Nice. Really, please... do keep this sort of attitude up. Because as stated before, the web is small, and I keep finding more people that share with me all the wonderful opinions of your high-brow, nose in the air bullshit.

But the best part, you know what that is? The best part is how much of a damn fool you make yourself out to be. You claim to have done all this wonderful research on your characters, but you haven't..or you've done shoddy at best. If you had, I wouldn't have had the chance to laugh at you so much.

I'm amused, because others have noticed too.

You are so far from Elite RPing that it is enough to cry about. Sure, you might look it on top? You might act it? But you are full of shit. The fact that you make that a singular goal is sad. I'd take a piss-ant RPer over you any day.

Your's truly,

Amused.

Morning...

Apr. 17th, 2008 07:51 am
pay_the_piper: (Haru)
My days are eaten by PS2. So the goal today is to go home and NOT turn the PS2 on no matter how bored I get.

I have a list!

Posting:

CT peoples
MO peoples

NH Time update
NH Plot post
NH Character page update
NH Modly locked post for plot infos
Alex
and likely someone else.

Reps:

Yeah....whoever I owe reps to just might want to poke me. Aside from Rach and Antha and Ariel, I really don't know who I owe reps to.


Paintshop:

Character banners for MO
and whatever else I come up with.




Outside of that. I has a permanent account. I is happy! But now I have to come up with a way to like fill 300 userpics. *considers* I think I'll have to troll some Icon Comms.

And Lastly, because all the cool people are doing it:

Name a character that you know I write or have written, and I'll tell you: ((And for those that don't know/remember/whatever, I wrote (not just rped with)
  • Hermes ([insanejournal.com profile] msg_ina_bottle),
  • Percy OC([insanejournal.com profile] silenziosa_odio),
  • Clive ([insanejournal.com profile] clive_for_g),
  • Wedge Antilles ([insanejournal.com profile] republic_hero),
  • Apollo [insanejournal.com profile] golden_child,
  • Limos ([insanejournal.com profile] famine_fatal),
  • Victor OC ([insanejournal.com profile] silent_prince) and others that really didn't last long enough to count.))

    a. What initially prompted me to like the character enough to write about him/her.
    b. One of his/her best traits.
    c. One of his/her worst traits.
    d. How easy/difficult I find it to write the character.
    e. The story/thread/chapter/post/paragraph/tag/phrase where I feel that I truly captured the character.
    f. My plans (if any) to write the character in the near future.
  • Blag:

    Mar. 24th, 2008 11:40 am
    pay_the_piper: (Default)
    1) I think I coughed up a lung today. My eyes hurts and every time I think I have stopped coughing I start coughing again.

    2) I have finally found a DSA song I don't mind so much. Well two. One I like more than the other. Anyway, an interesting comment was spotted on Youtube about it. Someone was all "Deadborn tries to sound too much like Manson!!"

    Do you know how laughable that is? Granted, Deadborn isn't my idea of a great singer, but he beats Manson out in my opinion.

    3) I need to do like a billion reps. :/ I can't start new things until I finally finish some of this stuff. It is getting out of hand on top of all the other stuff.

    EDIT: I also want a pretty banner, but I'm all "I don't want to make it." How lazy is that? I have the picture, I'm just all "I can't makes it as pretty". In Reality, mine aren't exactly ugly. Ug. I need help.

    It is probably because I was really happy with my LJ layout. And I'm not using my LJ anymore and IJ stuff is slowly being learned.

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