Cynical by Nature

The job hunt....does not go well. Though people keep asking for the Resume, no one is biting. Fucking short bus economy.

I might end up just applying to UT or Texas State, and moving home. Its sort of a bitch, thinking "wow, stepping backward now." But tonight I get to listen to my brother in law telling me what I need to go and do and blah blah blah.

I really don't like people telling me what to do with my life. It makes me irate.

And this has been your "Life of EJ" update.

I find my lack of employment depressing. I have enough money to pay this month's (Apirl, obviously I paid March already) rent, and probably next month so long as I don't spend much of anything. I might go out hunting work at like Outback or something ridiculous like that. Something that gives me income of some sort. Simply because hanging around the house will drive me nuts.

I also need to get my oil changed. DAMN YOU CAR. Ok, not really damn it. I love my Kia. But still. My Dad and mom came up this last weekend and we talked about me moving 'home' and going back to school, but while that would be nice? The mere thought of giving up my cats made me break down into tears last night (my Father is allergic and does not want cats in his house.) It is more so that I'd have to give up Cringer. Because while Little Man is precious and I love him, I've only had him for a couple weeks now. Cringer? We've been together for five years, almost six this summer. He is my baby, and giving him up is like handing someone else my child. I just don't know if I can do that.

Blah.

That aside, I had a headache from hell today, have no desire to really eat much. And just in general mehness all around. Wahoo!

However, I did update my resume, well I just redid it really. I lost my book on resumes, no idea how, and applied to several jobs with the FAA. I'm really hoping this one in Dallas will call, but not going to hold my breath. I'm sure that loads more people have applied that are far more qualified.

Anyway, tomorrow's goals are to apply to some shops and stuff. A couple part-times or whatever might be just what I need for now.

My Grandfather is an old man, and there is very little you can say about him that would make you ever think he wasn't resilient. Yesterday he apparently had two heart attacks, and hit his head...twice. He's 90 or so, and still kicking. (Though, he does have dementia, and usually has no clue who I was.)

Anyway, I know he isn't...dying/dead as far as anyone else can think. But I think I might take the day and drive out there to see him.

Not sure. I need to walk the dog and shower, though.

I've read Talon of the Silver Hawk before, but I never got the chance to read the other two books. Mostly because when I first read the book many years ago, Feist had still be working on the third book, and the second was only in hardback. Charles and I just never got around to getting the books, and eventually it was forgotten in the mist of College readings and other work.

But, I was looking for something to read yesterday and thumbed through stacks of books in B&N. Seeing Feist's books reminded me that I had always wanted to finish them! And as such I bought the whole trilogy right there (just 25 bucks, not a bad spend on books I will like read a couple of times before I die.)

And I'm probably about 40 pages off being done with the book. (I bought it at about 4ish, last night, before I went to dinner. I read a little at dinner, and then during commercials while watching Sister Act 2 when I got home. And so on until about 1amish. Books at horrible in one way, I have a very hard time just putting them down to sleep. As a result I'm dog ass tired tonight. I went to sleep at 1, and woke up off and on starting from 4am. Blag.) Anyway, the point is?

Feist made a funny.

"Good," Creed said, "I always like it when a captain has a plan; it makes getting killed a lot less random."

That? Made me laugh. It really did.

Secondly while I was wandering around B&N, I noticed a 'school read' table, and curious poked around the table. I like seeing what kids are reading in classes today, which strangely hadn't much changed from what I read. Oddly, though, that was a copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I somehow couldn't imagine a teacher, or school put that one the reading list. Then I reminded myself that for my Honors English and AP History in my Junior year of HS that I read Sophie's Choice. And while I dearly love the stark, hopelessness of this book...

At 17 I had never expected to be handed a book by a teacher that openingly discussed Male masturbation in detail. So I'll tack it up as interesting, which means- a lot of students are going to hate that, but I personally see it as an awesome choice in books. Then again, unlike most of my fellow students, I have found that there were few books I read for school/classes that I truly disliked. In particular I found a sort of quaint fondness for William Faulkner's books, though The Sound and The Fury still breaks my brain, and I've read it a number of times. Ever time I pick it up, I find something different in what I read.

I still have no care for Mark Twain, though. Don't know...Huckleberry Fin just bored me.

And this has nothing to do with the whole book I stared with! Haha. Oh, I miss reading as much as I did. I find that I have to love the characters, though, before I can just let the book take me. If I don't find a way to love the characters, or a character, no amount of effort I put forth ever makes the book just flow. Scary, but true. I sort of think of it like a movie- without a connection, I lose interest, and my mind wanders. Then, before I know it, movie is over and I'm just trying to remember what happened in the flick.

Anyway...Tis it!

I'm lost to my books for a while. Perhaps reading will help me find the voices for my characters again. And in finding them, perhaps I will find my desire to be online again.

So four districts were closed, maybe up to 6. Three of which had sets of people I knew. Such grand fun. Tom told me that HR made the guys from Marshall drive 50 miles to get their Severance packages, too. God, talk about harsh as fuck?

That aside, I just saw a commercial for this interview with the lady that had the Octuplets. And what I want to know is why has NO ONE called this woman irresponsible? I'm sorry, I am a single, childless adult. I don't know the joys of motherhood, I don't much care too either to be honest. Children? Annoy me. Babies that get slobber and spit everywhere make me want to run to my bathroom and scrub myself down. Dramatic, yeah, but true. No matter what people say about how I'm good with kids, I teach them well, etc. I still don't like them.

And yet, this woman who is single, already had like 6 kids, is being treated like a damn hero. Why? Because she endangered her life and the lives of her babies by trying to have so many. This is not worthy of praise! In a world where the human population is rapidly growing without any natural population controls because we've all cleverly sidestepped them. We've cured most of it, found ways around a lot.

And we breed than mice.

God, that woman pisses me off, and reminds me that I don't need children because people like that make it so I don't need to add anything to society. Would it kill some of those 'breed like rabbits' idiots to....oh NOT HAVE KIDS. If you love babies so much? Fucking adopt, stop killing the population by having to many kids.

I'm playing Knights of The Old Republic II, which is really just this awesome Star Wars game that lets me be evil or good, or neither? Well, I am amused by the fact that I keep telling people total assholish things, like 'get out of my way or I kill you' and such, and somehow I manage to get a Light Side Net Gain, Light Side Points and dark side points.

You really have no idea how amused that makes me.

Granted, I've played this game like a gabillion (that's my new word) times, and I've ended it lord knows how many ways. However, this is the first time I've played it with a male character. Which has also led my head to all sorts of sad, funny things too! Mostly because if you talk to Atton a lot as a girl, and really sort of let him chat you up, and get a high influence with him...

He falls for you.

Then he kisses you before the final battle!!

Now my head? Inserts this ended with my male character too...and my brain just dies: "HAHAHAHAH Lucas made a slash game!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAH."

God, sometimes I think I need help.

So, I bought an XBox 360 earlier this week with a gift card my parents gave me for Christmas. And I have three games for it. One I could care less about and one that I've been wanting to play for ages.

But also, I went to game stop today and bought Knights of the Old Republic II and also FFX...

Which should tell you all pretty much what I'll be doing. Even though I've beaten the game before, that was on my sister's system and I'm just too damn lazy to ask her for the memory card with the game on it. Plus, I'd still replay it.

Though, thinking about it all, I think I'll miss the FFXII system. I know they change it for every FF game, but it was nice being able to sort of pick and choose who you wanted wanted to fight. Though FFX is nice in the fact that as long as everyone is alive and took PART in the fighting, they all get the exp.

So, it is kinda a give and take.

Eventually I'll get the other FF games, though FFX-2 bored the piss out of me. Possibly because Yuna was not my favorite character, ever, and now we get to do this 'Yaaaaaaaaaay Yuna!!' Story? Meh.

Eventually I'll buy it just to beat it, and then be all "Yes, I have played and beat all the FF games."

Which sort of means I need FFIX too.

Blah.

Oh well. FFX Ahoy!

Someone made me a shiny! *Points to journal*

Its "OH MY ZEUS" pretty.

I <3 unchainme.


Also. :( I did bads. Mo was hurted after talking to me on the phone yesterday, I'm a bad jinxy EJ. Boo.

*loves Mo.*

ENOUGH SAID.

OPENING CREDITS: American Idiot- Green Day

WAKING UP: Sour Girl- Stone Temple Pilots

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: Ya'll Want A Single- Korn

FALLING IN LOVE: Hanging By a Moment- Lifehouse

FIGHT SONG: Bodies- Drowning Pool

BREAKING UP: So What- P!nk

PROM: My Oh My- Aqua

PROPOSAL: Addicted- Saving Abel

LIFE: Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: One Step Closer- Linkin Park

DRIVING: Headlong- Queen

FLASHBACK: It's Been Awhile- Staind

GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Shake Me Break Me- Savage Garden

WEDDING: I'll Be Yours- Placebo

BIRTH OF CHILD: Learning To Fly- Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

FINAL BATTLE: Get Out Alive- Three Days Grace

DEATH SCENE: Last Kiss- Pearl Jam

FUNERAL SONG: Roses On My Grave- Papa Roach

END CREDITS: Sleeping With Ghost- Placebo