Cynical by Nature

First let me say this- I have played many other muses over the course of my LJ/GJ/IJ RP times, however, I only list characters that I will still play at least in random intervals. If a character comes off the list it is because I just do not think I will ever really pick them up again. I might even delete their journals eventually. There are even characters here that I don't play that often, but haven't completely written off yet. However, just because a character is on the list does not mean that I am inclined to play them at the drop of a hat. There are some characters here that I've not removed simply because I do not want to offend people by taking them down, but I honestly have little to no interest in playing. I've taken all my IJ characters off the list, just because I really don't play them. And I've just be 'eh' about a lot of my Godlings for a while.

Anyway- Zee list.

( Down the Rabbit's Hole. )

I’ve been trying to figure it out for days. I mean, obviously there is something in my RP that makes me want more. And it isn’t the same as just wanting to do more of what I’m doing, though there isn’t really anything wrong with it. It is more that I want more of the dark, cold and painfully things that I just don’t get to do. And in some ways I don’t want to be the only one that indulges in the dark, dirty world of that side of RP.

Except for Kate. Because she’ll RP Cannabalism meals. She has told me as much.

I need something dark, and I need it to not just be my character being dark. I know plenty of people would be willing to let bad things happen to their muses, but that really isn’t the point. I need, I suppose, a partner in darkness (if that makes any sense).

I’m not sure I’ll ever find them. :/

EDIT:

I have to admit, I really do feel like I've been a bit of a let down for some of my RP partners. I wish I could be better. I really want to be better, honest. I just suppose there are times I don't think I'm that great of an RPer in the end, or even that good of a writer. (It might also just be one of those 'woe is me' days too.)

I mean how does someone really judge how much talent they have? If I looked back to my writing classes, I made As in all of them. But the question is, was it because I was good? Or because I wrote technically well? (Trust me, I proof read my class work a hell of a lot better than RP.)

Mm. I don't know...

What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf unread, or get checked out of the library and returned unread.

Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish, strikethrough the ones you actually own but haven’t read.

( The List o'Unread Doom...or something )

A crazy little theory, and at the risk of whatever, but I want to share. Mostly because the way I have decided to explain this theory amuses the hell out of me. So, you can read and laugh...or you can play hopscotch with drunk elephants. I really don't care...

:D

Theory: Some months ago Party A and Party B coexisted in a crazy little half peace mutual existence. Life was grand. In Fact, some of Party A only knew part of Party B, and well the whole break one of it is pretty mundane. Now Party A and Party B have all these little friends that intermingle, chatting and playing and loving each other freely. I shall introduce several characters.

Cuddly Bear. Now Cuddly bear is friends with Party B, having known some members of that party for years. They chatter and play, and Cuddly Bear loves to hug them lots because then they smile, and like all bears of that kind, Cuddly Bear adores smiles above all things.

But Cuddly Bear's Bestest Friend is Cuddly Pony, who is really great friends with Party A! And like Cuddly Bear, Cuddly Pony has been friends with Party A for a long time and too likes to see smiles. It really is no wonder they are friends, right?

There is also Pretty Kitty, who Cuddly Bear and Pony are both friends with and Pretty Kitty, who is Bestest Friends with someone in Party A.

((We know, by now, that most of this has no point, but it is fun, so...deal.))

Now Cuddly Bear, Cuddly Pony, and Pretty Kitty have no real interest in the Drama that goes on around Pretendy-Land. They like to play tea party with Barbie Dolls and sip orange juice from plastic thimbles...

But then Party B and Party A started to fight over a misunderstanding, and Cuddly Bear was sadly upset when it call came back to her because Cuddly Bear only ever had bits and pieces and had no idea what was going on. The things she heard was upsetting!

And Party B, having been such good friends did something that maybe Party B shouldn't have, but did it anyway. But when the hissy fits settled, Party B and Party A and Cuddly Bear all talked and everything was cleared up and then there was happy times again!

Only then part of Party B was tossed out of Pretendy-Land because Some in Party A just wanted to warn them, but the Evil KGB Overlords of Pretendy-Land dropped axes and severed everything!

((Note: Evil EGB Overlords= Bad people...in case the point was missed.))

And the rest of Party B and Cuddly Bear were sad and hurt. They clung to the kicked out part and made homes in the Funtime-Land, but it wasn't the same. Pretendy-Land was still were everything was, and Funtime-Land was bleak and empty feeling.

But life went on, and everyone from Party A went here and Party B there, and then Cuddly Bear went back to tea parties with Cuddly Pony and Pretty Kitty! Life was mostly happy again...

And then this Party C, previously unknown to Cuddly Bear, started coming around, and no one knew what to expect. And one morning Party B called Cuddly Bear and said the worst of worst! Cuddly Bear was kicked out of Pretendy-Land too!

And then Pretendy-Land Evil KGB Overlords didn't tell Cuddly Bear why, only that she had to go away from Cuddly Pony and Pretty Kittie and all Cuddly Bear's Tea Party friends! And when the Evil EGB Overlords finally talked to Cuddly Bear they were mean, and only said they might help if Cuddly Bear could prove someone else was in her Pretendy-Land home.

And Cuddly Bear could, and she didn't know who it was, and she was sads and angry. She turned to Party B, and they said they thought it was Party A! So Cuddly Bear asked someone in Party A...but they didn't do it. They said they thought maybe it was Party C, but didn't really come out and say it.

So then Cuddly Bear was without home, and stuck in Funtime-Land with only an umbrella to hide her from the rain. And Cuddly Bear was wet and cold...and angry. Very angry.

And then Cuddly Bear decided: "If I'm going to be punished by the Evil EGB Overlords, I want to know what drama I was supposedly all involved in!"

And so Cuddly Bear started asking questions about things she had never asked about before. Things like who was Party C, how did they know Cuddly Bear's name, where did Party C fit in with Party A and B, and why did Party A not like Party B, and why did Party B not like Party A....

And then Cuddly Bear began to wonder. If it wasn't Party A, and it wasn't Party B, and both parties said that Party C was friends with the other party...

Who was Party C really friends with?

Party C made Cuddly Bear Nervous...so she decided to not really talk to them, and instead wanted scoby snacks for at least coming up to the conclusion that Party C might have important information, but that the Drama was too damn draining.

So Cuddly Bear decide that if the Pretendy-Land Evil EGB Overlords finally gave back her Pretendy-Land home, that maybe she won't go back. Esp since Cuddly Pony and Pretty Kitty and all the Barbies came to play with her in Funtime-Land.

The End.

....


ANYWAY... :D

I probably broke my brain with that, but it amused me last night when I was trying to explain the theory to them.

I also want an Icon that reads: "Suck my imaginary Cock" if only because that makes me laugh too.

Tata for now.

I'm not done yet, never mind the 'Good Night' part.

Ok, seriously...I've never been into the drama game. Ask my closest friends, I haven't. Hell, Mo tells me all about what is going on here or there or whatever and most of the time I'm always saying "wait, what? When? Last week?....I didn't know about it."

So, get it? I'm the Anti-Drama. My Muses might have put the Llama in Drama as Hermes would say, but not me.

So you know, whatever. But I want to say this, ok? When you come to me and make this whole "omg I can't believe this, blah blah blah so unfair, blah blah blah BLAH" whatever speech, and then do not speak to the people you are so called friends with? Don't be surprised they are a little ticked when you finally acknowledge their plight, ok?

You make them feel like they are second rate and the black plague of social standing, and you think it is their fault for being upset at a time when emotions are all running high? Yeah, look, ya obviously have issues, ok?

And YES I AM SAYING OK A LOT GET THE HELL OVER IT.

OK.

Whatever the hell the bloody drama shit that started this crap and the whole "they are cool, I want to play with them" (just imagine the sock puppets, k?) "but if I want to play with the Cool!Guys OMG I can't be seen with the nice-but-loser-high-school-black-plague-of-society-group-that-omg-EVERYONE-important-so-doesn't-think-is-cool-and-like -commit-social-suicide-to-speak-with" So you want until they are suspended from "OMGCOOLLAND" to fucking "CRAZYLAND" before you breathe a word to them about playing again and they seem a bit...I don't know, reluctant? And you cop an attitude...

OK...

Right....

Also?

I have NEVER been one of those "Oh I don't know, I don't want to talk to so and so because I don't know them" people?

But I am now.

If I don't know you? If my friends don't know you, or do not have good things to say about you? I'm really not sure about letting myself find out for myself anymore. How the fuck am I supposed to trust people when crap like this happens?

THIS ISN'T COOL.

GOD!

So, Blair and I were talking Friday. And it boiled down, basically, to why stay where the KGB are getting their dirty Commie fingers into your things??

And? Before someone starts screaming "Russia isn't Communist and there isn't any KGB anymore!" Yeah...I know. I also know that Putin was formerly a member of KGB. So whatever.

Also....I was thinking about making a post for some friends with my new address and everything when it occurred to me that- HA! Oh right, no one that needs it would be able to read it! Ok so, yeah whatever.

Whatever is holding LJ up on this abuse crap? Needs to get out of the way, damnit.

48 hours since my last post Livejournal's Abuse Team. Four days since I was suspended unexplainablely.

I can't tell if I'm beyond anger, or if I'm smoldering so much that I cannot see it any longer. But the waiting? The wait is killing me, and all the 'oh it just takes time' is bullshit. Takes time? It only took 11 hours to reply to me the first time. So why should this take 2 days or more? What are they doing?

My hope is dwindling. I'm depressed still, because I've lost so much that was dear to me, and no one has even been man enough to step up and say "oh...I did it."

Come the fuck on. If you have the damn balls to report someone to abuse, have them banned, and get a laugh out of it? Be man enough to say you fucking did it.

Dear silenziosa_odio,

Thank you for your request. It has been brought to our attention that your accounts have been used to access LiveJournal in violation of a Termination of Service, a situation in which a user is no longer welcome to create or use accounts on this service. As this is a violation of the LiveJournal Terms of Service, to which you agreed when you created your accounts, your accounts have been permanently suspended.

If you feel that your accounts have been compromised by unauthorized access, and are willing to resecure your accounts, we may be able to assist you. Even while your accounts are suspended you may check your recent login sessions (http://www.livejournal.com/manage/logins.bml). Should you identify access to your accounts which were not authorized to you, please reply to this correspondence with that information.

Regards,

Kacey
LiveJournal Abuse Prevention Team