I am not amused, no lie.

[pay_the_piper]

So, I thought this week was going to be better than last. Wrong. Jesus fucking Christ, people, have you all lost your fucking minds? There are things I want to say, but I can't out of interest of not hurting feelings, but my lord do I want to tell you all something.

First an for most? Fucking stop it. Step back and look at yourselves in the damn mirror and ask yourself what you are doing.

You, seriously. Have you stopped thinking about yourself long enough to realize that you are not the only person in this situation that has feelings that can and will be hurt? You've never, NEVER expressed much interest in this plot. Oh, yeah, I know you'd argue the counter-point, but let me put it to you this way. The only things you've added to the plot have been small, off to the side, and rare. You've never posted unless prompted many times over, and you've never gone out of your way to actually make people feel that you were interested beyond saying "OH I love this idea." That doesn't count as interested. You have made people feel boxed in and under-appreciated, and above all- you have made this time and time again about you. This is not your sandbox, these plots were decided on by the people that were most active in the RP, and it is not and never will be their responsibility to make sure you are on top of things.

You were given the option to follow the post or not. It clearly states that it does not affect everyone unless you want to it affect you. This is not worth the drama you've brought to the table. This isn't a problem with the other poster, this is a problem with you. Stop it. Stop being a selfish child.

And you? Stop hiding behind the wall. If things bother you, or upset you tell people before they become a problem. Yes, I know you are aware of your folly, and I know that you didn't mean to hurt feelings, and that your are upset right now. But if you had stepped up and told people how you felt before now? This wouldn't be the issue that it is. Sometimes you have to realize that you just can't RP with someone, be it personality quirks or simple disagreement on style.

You need to learn that while conflict is tiresome, and bad sometimes? It is a part of communication and cannot be avoided all the time. This could have been avoided in part if you'd only spoken up.

However, I've told you this time and time again, and I will not beat the dead horse.


All told? You both need to step back and realize that with high emotions neither of you are going to accomplish anything. And also? You both had bad days, I get it, but don't take your bad days out on each other over a trivial matter that should not, and never will be that big a deal.

When RPing becomes a big enough issue that it 'wrecks' your whole day? You need to stop, step back, and re-evaluate your life. You need to re-establish your IC/OOC lines, and you need to communicate. However? Communication goes both ways, so before you start screaming, stop and think about how well you've communicated with the person you are upset with, verses how well they've communicated with you. Stop focusing on 'them' and realize that conflict requires you to look inward and acknowledge your own faults before you can communicate precisely what it bothering you.

That being said?

Enough of it. Cut the passive-aggressive sniping out. It does not make you look like the adults you claim to be.

Comments

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

Sure, but when you have already given me a time frame, and haven't let me know that you've changed it, how should I know I need to ask about it?

I honestly have no problem whatsoever sitting on a plot, or even on written fic or fics, until everybody participating in a plot is ready. It kind of stands to reason that those who want it done with sooner should say so. At least to me.

I'm not a poker, either. I can poke about random stuff that may interest somebody, or about an idea I may have, to hear somebody's opinion/input on it before I consider putting it into action. But poking about RP, no, I don't do that. Ever.

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

So you are upset with me for being no better than you at poking? I told everyone I thought that really needed and wanted to know about the date. I hadn't heard from you about any of it since the day we'd talked about it, so I assumed (yes, assumed) that you were.not.interested.

Especially since you seemed active elsewhere. Just think about how that looks to me? You are writing and doing all these things elsewhere, and you don't stop to double check if/when I wanted to do things?

Can you honestly tell me you don't understand how that upsets me? I have poked and poked some people to play with me in the past, and gotten threads to start that never finish. I got tired of it. I decided I wasn't going to be that person that had to beg for RP anymore. You've told me you've seen my post and wanted to play but didn't know how to write in, but to me I hear "I saw your post, but I just don't think you are interesting to play with."

So instead of letting it get me down, imagined or not, I just put it in a box over there and focus on moving my plot onward with the people that actively take part with me. Would I have loved for you guys to come play? Yes! Of course! But after a while? After seeing how poking would lead to a brief flurry of activity, then die? I decided there wasn't a point to setting myself up for disappointment.

I am tired of not know what is going on. Because honestly? I've been there too, Kiki. Ana would tell me things like I should know them, and have no idea why I was expect to reply to things, or what was going on. I've sat there and watched people I wanted to play with, play with everyone else and ignore me when I said I wanted to play something. I am not the wallflower, damnit, and I refuse to be regulated into someone's corner as a sidenote.

You cannot expect things to improve on the communication if you aren't willing to work on it yourself as well.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

And I assumed that it was on, as we had discussed - in two or three months' time. That is kinda sorta different from not interested, you know. And no, I am not upset at you not poking more than I do; I am upset about not getting heads-up for the timing of major stuff or stuff that I'd suggested myself that I want to be a part of. Have I ever done that with either to either of you? I know I have a bit more of background on that with Ana; she may not have even noticed, but unless I get her acknowledgment about what is happening, I don't even post not-interaction-requiring fics that involve her muses.

Yes, I am active elsewhere. Having trouble playing/writing Hathor means, among other things, that I don't get pulls out of her, 'do this now', so she ends up essentially reactive. Other muses are different. They give loud reactions to things they even shouldn't; the rant in my head for days until I write a 3 or 5k words fic for them (which, if it involves other muses, gets cleared by the muns before getting posted, too). I don't have that here. But when I have a situation, I work out Hathor's involvement, or try to. Except, outside very simple situations, it takes me a while to work out the exact course of action. That requires time and attention. Which, when I have even a bit of advance warning, I can schedule or prepare for. But I've been getting none. With some muses, I can do that (although not at the moment, the last two weeks, I keep out of ANY sort of plots, because I honestly had a crapload to do. Which those reading my journal could have been aware of.) With a few, Hathor among them, not so much.

*sighs* When I mean 'you are not interesting to play with', I say that. Or rather, I do not remark at all. I may have taken a bit on some threads, but I have always come back to them until they have at least some concept of the story being told, haven't I? That is part of why I have difficulty tagging in - I don't know what to DO with a muse on that post.

We are having brief flurries of activity and shifts all the time. Then we come back. I cannot maintain eight storylines going on at the same time simultaneously. I work a bit on one or three, move them until they reach some point that's (usually) mutually agreeable, then move to others, then come back when the muses of one or more of the people involved feel like it. You see it as dying; I see it as holding until there's reason to move further. And I am willing to move with it, so long as I know it's coming.

Right now, I am not capable of effective communication. The post I made was signifying of that. It means "I'm out of cope, deal with me now at your own risk." I don't know when the stress will let up, this certainly isn't helping. And I KNOW that right now I'm out of it. So, in order to cut the damage on all sides, I'm pulling back from involvement in that plot and letting you guys play it as you wish - I can at this time neither enjoy it nor participate qualitatively. I have been available every time when I've been let know that there's something to discuss. I haven't ignored any messages, on journal or over IM. Outside of honestly struggling with writing a character, whom I like anyhow, I don't see how I have been worse off in communication with you guys than with a number of other people. And yet you two are the ones who end up pushing things IC without OOC warning. No, I am definitely not perfect. But I also do not deserve being pushed into IC situations without anybody paying mind if I'm up to it at the time. Literally and figuratively.

No, EJ. I do not see you as a wallflower. In this sandbox, I see you as a driving force. And rely on letting me know when and in what direction, since my momentum and push is insufficient. But all I get is put before fait acomplits. Which. Isn't always fun-times.

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

I think the problem is, you and I both expect different things to show and express interest. Even when I do not play with people, if I'm interested in things I ask questions, and try to make sure I know what's going on instead of waiting for people to tell me. I expect the same things out of the people I RP with, so when I hear nothing for large periods of time, I assume they don't care about what is going on.

And if you are not capable of effective communication, I honestly feel you shouldn't have made your post. You have to have known on some level it was going to upset Ana, and that it was going to lead to this sort of argument/discussion. The problem, as I see it, is you thought that because you weren't feeling up to it, that it didn't matter if other people's feelings were hurt.

Also, the fact that you bring up the past so much proves that the 'we've resolved this' discussions we had wasn't resolved at all. We told you guys how we felt, you guys said you'd try to show us more interest. But you've not done that, or else we wouldn't be back here again.

Also, you've not be pushed into a situation. You have the right to wait until you are ready to handle it to even acknowledge the post. Also, the only people it effects are the people that want it to affect them.

As for your fait acomplits, I have to say this. Ana and I start RP in a place that had no OOC communication, and what little there was, there was no outside plotting. You could have a surprise Orc attach, or thieves raid your camp at any moment. You had no choice but to react to the post. Has it shaped the way we RP? Of course it has! We RPed in that fashion for 5+ years.

Also, I don't feel it is fair of you to rely on me to keep you up to date. If you haven't been keeping up, a simple IM to ask where we are and what is going on seems fair to me. I don't expect you to follow every second, but if I play, or want to play a character more I shouldn't have to rely on every post I make being okayed. And that is how I feel you want us to handle this. You make me feel as if I should IM you about everything I want to do with Tucker, and sometimes I just don't know what I want to do before I do it!

I know I've told you I don't like pre-plotting that much. It takes my drive to write and RP things out, because I know what the end is going to be. I don't enjoy it.

At this point, honestly, I don't think our RP styles are even remotely in line with each other. And like Ana said, we should take a break.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

Yes, different expectations. I started RPing actively in a group of people with which we tended to have many stoylines going on at the same time. I learned to keep track of my characters and letting others know when something was up with them, and people would extend the same courtesy to me, because when there are fifteen things happening, plus real life, nobody could follow and poke at everybody else.

My post contained one line, one very brief paragraph, about a situation that honestly helped stuff that was bad even worse. Did I blame anything entirely on it? No, it had started days before it. Just another brick in the wall. Was I aware that it might upset Ana? Maybe; if she paid attention - which, considering that she dropped a major plot move at a time when it was abundantly clear form my journal that was dealing with a lot already, I was NOT sure was the case at all (and no, during these two weeks, I have NOT been active. I've been struggling to keep with my comm requirements and barely doing that, only exception being one fic that I treated myself to when I had accomplished something. It wasn't even plot-moving one.) Did I aim to upset her? No. Could she have asked about it in other ways, such as e-mail, where nobody would have had to have been the wiser about it? Yes. Did she pay even this much consideration when she made her post? I don't see that.

I only bring up the past because it basically repeats itself. I was willing to put it away and work with what I have before me. Willingness to make suggestions, and write out reactions to what is happening? Is a sign of interest. And you know I have; I may have reasons to not post it for now, but that's separate from unwillingness to play it out. Consider it and you'll see what I mean.

'the only people it affects are the people that want it to affect them' - but will it be what I consider in character if my muse has no reaction? no.

Yes, well, there are good reasons why I avoid that kind of RP situation like the plague. And why I try to contact the people I RP with almost as soon as I see that it is, or might be, interesting to play with them.

I don't tend to see a reason to ask where things are if I'm not aware there's movement in an area. Really. I have a lot of muses, you have a lot of muses, and most of them do not have anything remotely like common spheres of interaction. I don't know when it's time for the ones that do to move forward. I'm not psychic. You know when you want to move your people. I would assume that if it might or you want that to include mine, you'll let me know.

I don't necessarily want to know how something will play out. But I do want to know as much of the premises in advance as possible. Being dropped in the middle of a thread, ic, information that my character should have known and would have acted differently if s/he knew? That's what I don't enjoy.

I am. I just thought that not listening and not explaining my stance when the effort was made, when I don't have the energy to initiate it properly - that would have been passive-aggressive.

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

You can't put this all on me, and I won't let you. YOU have the ability to ask as much as I have the ability to poke. The fact that you won't acknowledge that is frustrating me, and makes me feel as if you are just playing a victim card. You have as much responsibility in RP to keep informed as I do to keep you informed. Obviously we both failed.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

Oh, yes, that is so.

The difference is that I have taken no action placing your muse in a situation where the choice is that either the muse reacts, or you feel like you're breaking their consistency in not acting with them. But the underlying issue, yeah, that's true.

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

Could have, and should have asked at some point. Neither of you would be in this spot if you had. I didn't even make this post. Set's actions? NOT my doing. Is it something we'd yes. Is it something I should have told you? No, it wasn't MY responsibility to tell you, it wasn't MY doing.

But secondly? Ellen doesn't even HAVE to know this happened, unless you want it to happen. Set didn't do it DO the spell in front of her, there isn't a REASON she should know UNLESS the spell WORKS. If it doesn't work? Why should she know that Set even cast it? Why wouldn't it simply pass her over none the wiser? I mean, Tucker's not going to be remotely aware anything has happened. Why? He's not standing in front of Set who has cast this spell alone and behind closed doors.

Explain to me how Ellen would know about this spell? If you don't want to 'fix' her, you don't have to.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

No, it wasn't your responsibility to tell me about it this time, that is true.

Well, if I wanted to answer that question in detail, I wouldn't be putting her on hiatus, would I? But, briefly, why would 'get 'fixed'' and 'not learn about it' be the only options, while the most logicals ones, from where I'm standing, lie in between those two?

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

Because I want to know how she'd even be aware of the occurrence. That is the issue Kiki. You want to worry about God-modding, I want to worry about OOC knowledge being used IC. What happens that would give her a remote inkling that this happened? If Peter and Paul are not affected, then who does she know that is? How is she clued in? Are you assuming Heru would say something? What happens that makes her aware this has happened? Is it a tug, that she automatically for no reason knows what it means? Because all I see are chances for you to expand her stroyline.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

How about, oh, partially affected? The spell tries to youink Hathor out, but does not succeed - and when its immediate effect passes, leaves Ellen feeling ill - and Hathor possibly aware that something about the spell is familiar? I see that option as completely IC and within the parameters of what the post implied.

[pay_the_piper.insanejournal.com]

Fine so she's partially affected, then what? How can she know Set's used this spell? It is also still optional for you to use that. No one said you had to, and it has nothing to do with being IC. That is a MUN's choice. It isn't as if she's a terrible fighter, and it would be IC for her to get punched if someone tried to hit her. This is a spell that Set very well could have fucked up, he has a history of being terrible at spells.

[kikibug13.insanejournal.com]

*sighs* never mind, the point is moot.